• Chane Brown

First Trimester


I’ll start off with the good news. I never had the nausea. I heard all these horror stories about women not keeping food down and having to survive on crackers as that is all they could stomach. I admire these women and they made me realize how lucky I am that not once did I need to run to the toilet and form a deep and emotional bond by hugging the bowl. I am truly grateful and count myself lucky.

 So it begins. The start of human life. Everyone telling you the horrors of the first trimester. From the insane nausea and vomiting to the sore breasts, the panic of an unplanned pregnancy (my situation) and the worry of miscarriage. This is the first trimester and this is my story.

I did have some food aversions. Cooked meat, especially chicken, made me lose my appetite but that was the extent of it. So instead of cooking, I ate (safe) uncooked foods. I’ve never been a salad person, I don’t know why but I can never go to a restaurant and order a salad. However, as all the restaurants were closed due to the world's pandemic, I was left to my own salad making techniques, which basically includes: hard boiled egg, lettuce, avocado, cheese, and the most important bit, ranch.

This became very boring very fast. So I dove into another uncooked food group, sushi! I love sushi. I can have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Before you ask I did cook my sushi to rid it of any bacteria, so it is safe to say that this is "pregnancy safe sushi." My mom and I went to the grocery store and picked up some imitation crab. Now imitation crab is normally cooked anyway but I thought I would take it one step further and boiled it,  drain it, and stick the crab in the fridge to cool. I will add the recipe and ingredients in a separate post.

Moving on from the food, as it’s making me hungry and I can’t fathom the thought of rolling out of bed to get something to munch on. The fear of miscarriage. I started bleeding at 7 weeks and I was scared that I had miscarried. Although my pregnancy wasn’t planned and I was due to become a single parent, a miscarriage is a fear that can’t be explained. I did, however, have a miscarriage. I found out I was carrying twins but one of them didn’t make it. It became a mixture of emotions. From relief, to sadness, to mourning the loss, to worry that the 2nd twin won’t survive. Swirl that around with the pregnancy mood swings and you are in for a strong cocktail. The fights in my house between my mom and I grew fierce but we eventually got over it and are still closer than ever. Just try and keep calm as stress never solves an issue.

This did provide me with the need of not feeling excited in my heart. I didn’t want to build myself up to being excited about having a child and then feeling that loss when they get taken too soon. So I didn’t buy anything, didn’t want anything, didn’t prep for anything, until I was in my 2nd trimester. I didn’t want to jinx myself. Even to this day I struggle with being excited just in case something goes wrong. This does stem from previous relationships and the trauma I faced during them. It has made me much more guarded and I am ok with that for the time being.

My breasts are another story. I am not ok with them! I’m not a small chested woman as it is. I am petite, I am 5’2, before pregnancy, I was an xsmall for my clothing, but my bra size is 32D. Add pregnancy hormones and they inflated like a balloon. I felt like I was going to drift away like the house in the movie Up. It was not comfortable, they were so tender, and they were my first hint that I was pregnant. Having them decrease back will be a welcomed benefit, although I have to wait a long time for that as I plan on breastfeeding.

One morning I did wake up with such a pain in my back that I could not get comfortable or fall asleep. This was closer to the end of my first trimester and we assumed that my little one decided to sit on a nerve, but who knows. That night I invested in my first pregnancy item and it has been a lifesaver throughout this process. I bought this pregnancy pillow. It helped support my back, my growing belly, and felt nice to just cuddle into the pillow. This has been the best purchase this pregnancy.

My story is unconventional and it’s not the perfect story. I am jealous of the people that have a perfect story and I felt defeated at first thinking, "why can't that be me?" As I go through this pregnancy, it has changed my mindset. I wasn't raised by a woman with a perfect story and I am lucky to have the support structure that my mom provides to allow me to not feel alone. Sometimes we get wrapped up in all the negatives of the situations instead of the positives. Change your mindset and your world will change as well. 

One of the positives that I have is that I wanted a boy and at the end of my first trimester, I was awarded with the knowledge that I got my wish. I am having a little boy and I am so happy with my little man.

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